I started this blog a little more than an year ago. For 2 reasons – share information I know and become a better writer. From the feedback I am getting, I have been reasonably successful in both of these goals. Somewhere alone the line though, I lost focus on these two things…gradually, over time, things like rankings, traffic, all started taking precedence. It slipped up on me and lately I haven’t been able to keep up with things. The more I tried to organize, the more number of things were falling through cracks. My to-do lists grew rapidly. I was feeling overwhelmed. A couple of weekends ago, I broke down and spend a lot of time soul searching and thinking things through.
Along with mastering everything I need to be successful, I have also mastered a skill that I never intended to – a desire to win the rat race.
I have successfully overcome the keeping up with the Joneses desire when it comes to money and material possessions, but I have succumbed to it when it comes to my career.
Ever wondered – I am working as hard as he is why didn’t I get that promotion? I wish I was as successful as she is and the like? This is applicable to any job you do or even hobbies. I am sure this question might have crossed your mind at some point of time. (If not, you really are a great person!) Without realizing it all of us are constantly comparing ourselves with others. Sometimes that turns into a healthy competition and brings out the best of us. But more often than not, the outcome is one of these
- We end up with negative thoughts and bring our productivity down
- We end up trying to copy them and lose our individuality
- We end up keeping up with them and get into trouble.
I admit it – I ended up spending a lot of time “thinking” and “emulating” others, I forgot to be me.
It kills my purpose and productivity.
I spent more time thinking about what it is that I am doing wrong, I didn’t have time to do more of what I was doing right. Take this blog for example. I was doing reasonably well on what I set out to do. But by comparing myself with others, I decided I wanted better rankings, Klout, umpteen other metrics…, which, once upon a happier time, I didn’t even know existed. I started obsessing about the ranking and forgot the purpose of starting my blog. I might be very good at something, but by comparing myself with the Joneses I forgot to do what I love and enjoy it.
This is not restricted to blogging. In every field there are some time killers like this we obsess about instead of what really matters to us.
Success is relative
I am not advocating not having goals or not trying to be successful. Every one of us is unique. “Doing well” to me is different than what others might consider a success.All I decided was that I would not measure my success by someone else’ s yardstick.We are seeing it from an outsiders perspective. We don’t know what sacrifices they make to get to that point. If I was given an option to take the same course, I might turn it down because it might not be worth it to me. Some might have easy success, but I want to enjoy my path to success as much as the success itself.
So am I giving up? Absolutely not. I am going to stop thinking about what others are doing and focus on what I love. Whatever happens after that, happens.
What am I doing about it?
- I will accept it. I am not going to pretend like I will never compare myself with anyone again. I might. I will accept it so that I can do something about it.
- Refocus on what is important to me : I want to be a better writer and help other people by sharing information. I will measure my success based on that. I am not trying to be the best in everything under the sun.
- Know my strengths and weakness : This is a neat exercise my husband made me do. He made me write what I thought were my strengths and weakness. This is stuck on the wall behind my workstation. I know what I am good at and I know what I want to improve on. So as long as I work on overcoming my weaknesses, I am succeeding.
- Improve on what I wanted to improve : There are some things I don’t care about. Do I want to improve on those just because someone else is better with that skill? Who am I trying to beat here? I have a purpose and I want to improve on certain things. I will work on those.
- Compete with myself : And while I am working on improving, I will compete with myself. I will see if I am becoming a better writer. I will measure my success based on whether I am a better writer now than a month ago. I will measure my success based on whether I am a better person now than a month ago. I will enjoy my journey to become a better writer.
- Admit that they are better than me and learn from them : Finally, I know what areas I need improvement in. Instead of comparing me with another person who has excelled in that skill, I will learn from them.
I’m looking forward to this new phase of growth. I’m sure there will be slips along the way, but hey, as I just figured out, I’m not perfect 
, so I’ll just take it a day at a time.
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
I can definitely see how this would happen. Especially over on the Yakezie where there are so many smart and successful bloggers. I have a competitive nature as well, but I guess I never thought our blog would be up to the level of some of the elite ones that I read, so I never put that pressure on myself. Keep writing insightful posts like this one and the success is sure to come!
Hang in there Suba! I think I read in the forums or somewhere you said you were on a statistic fast. That is a great move. I check my stats around once a month except for Alexa, which is daily due to the toolbar. I used to check Google Analytica about once every 3-4 months, but then I’d start missing stuff if I had a good traffic source and wanted to return the favor.
How about focusing on a longer term goal eg 5 years and just revaluate once every year? I think you’re doing great and better than 99% of all blogs out there by just looking at the statistics alone!
Best,
Sam
I get on statistics kicks sometimes too, but I find that seeing my PVs spike when I put up a new post motivates me to keep putting up new posts and makes me want to write a better post that will keep those extra readers coming back.
I mostly write because… I just want to write. But sometimes seeing how stats respond can help me do it better.
I thinking taking a month off from stats to just focus on really godo writing could be a beneficial option though. I like Sam’s advice, especially if you feel like stats make you get off track from your real goals.
Great post. I too have struggled and continue to struggle with the same feelings. I really like your list at the end of the post. These are the same things I am working on. It gets hard some days…to not be so hard on yourself. Best of luck with this and thanks for the encouragement.
I appreciate the honesty of this article Suba. I can definitely relate.
The concept of “competing with yourself” is very powerful. From babies to adulthood and beyond, I think we each develop at different speeds. By setting our own standards and shooting for PB’s (personal bests) we can improve our satisfaction by aiming at realistic targets. I talk about this with my kids all the time, it helps them from becoming frustrated by comparting themselves to others. They give me the same pep-talk occasionally!
Very good article.. thanks. I know how you feel. sometimes my stats will dictate my mood. good traffic that day = me happy. Bad traffic that day = me sad. That’s so crazy!! I try not to let it get like that. It can be hard though.
At the end of the day, you just need to able to say you did your best. Surround yourself with other like minded people and it will raise you to a new level.
Great point. My blogs are growing faster now that I don’t check Google Analytics every day. I just started writing more, participating more, and ignoring stats more. It worked like a charm.
Hope you have recovered from your break down! I think we all must feel it at some point. Last Thursday, I just couldn’t get my regularly scheduled post together for Friday. Everyone was sick from a cold and I just went to bed early. Sometime we need a few days off. It’s great that you are getting back to basic and focus on what you really want to do. Seems like you’re taking even more on with Yakezie so good luck. Don’t hesitate to ask for help.
“Compete with myself” and not the Joneses! Couldn’t agree more.
This post really resonated with me because I have been going through a similar experience. I have a vacation coming up and I hope to use some of that time for reflection and refocus. I think it’s important that we all take a step back from time to time and reevaluate what we’re doing. I’m glad that you’ve been able to come to some resolution.
It’s crazy how you get caught up with the “rat race” so fast, isn’t it? I think this was a great post for all of us to read and take a step back to reflect. I wish you the best of luck on your new outlook.
I love, love, love this post. Your candor and openness speak volumes. You are right in saying that anyone in any profession can get caught up in the rat race, but I think bloggers can be particularly vulnerable. Maybe it is the stats. Maybe it is comparing ourselves to other blogs. But if we could simply remember why we are doing what we are doing, we will be happier people while producing with greater quality. As for my purpose, I have a paper on the wall near my computer that says, “writing is serving…do so to honor God and help others.” When I lose track of that purpose, I struggle. When I get back to it, I feel a rush of energy and creativity.
I do have addiction to WP stats and GA, good that google sites are banned at work. It takes a lot of time to check on statistics, 30 times a day for 1 – 1:5 mins makes it a 30 -4 mins of time waste. I need to learn from this article Suba
Suba–I am glad you did the soul searching. Nothing is worth our health, and it is very true that a person can obsess over anything. Sometimes obsessions hide themselves very well also….
Great job on refocusing on what it is that you want to. Good luck in your endeavors!
Suba you’re doing such an awesome job and you’re one of my inspirations! I’ve learned so much from you and I like your writing style. I like how you talk about refocusing and competing with yourself instead of others. -Sydney
I think obsessing and then letting go of the stats is just part of the natural process of being a blogger for the long term. I think initially, the metrics serve as a motivator to keep on writing good content and networking as much as possible, but after a while, it does become a roadblock, especially during those times when rankings plateau and it drives you batty.
Great article. You’re right, it can be applied to many different careers.
I love the suggestion to just compete with yourself; that is actually all that matters.
Good, thought provoking post.
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